From Pain to Power: Growing Through Life’s Hardest Seasons
A gardener cares for her earth. She goes into her garden every winter in the cold, pulls the dead weeds from the ground, and clears the dried brambles. She lifts the dirt, aerating it. She knows she must replenish the dirt, so she fertilises it. She works the manure into the earth; she knows from the worst shit comes the sweetest roses.
This is so often overlooked in life; when you're going through the worst time in life, life is not being done to you, you are not being punished, you are growing.
Looking back on my life, I can see so many times filled with sadness, with sorrow, with feeling lost, dejected and absent of all hope. I have suffered in my life, I have truly suffered, I have felt like I could not go on another day. I have been scapegoated, I have been damaged, I have been punished for other people's problems and pains, I have been stepped on, I have been bullied, I have been hurt, I have been dominated, and I have been used.
But I have not been broken, no matter how much I might feel it sometimes!
I have the spirit of a wild horse, and I am unstoppable.
All those times that I was at my worst, battered by loved ones, beaten down by life? I was not a victim, I was the victor! Of course it didn't feel like it at the time...I'm not delusional.
I felt like throwing myself in front of a train more than once, and I'm not afraid to say that. I know if you're honest (and I'm all about honesty), you understand that feeling, too.
When you're suffering, remember that life is not being done to you, it is being done for you. Let go of the pain for one second and think about all the times you were hurt and from that hurt you grew, you learned, you didn't just survive, you thrived.
When you're having the worst time of your life, it is easy to become a victim, but you're not a victim; the universe is conspiring to ensure your journey is the one you need.
I help people. I am filled with love to give to those who need a friend, an ear, some hope, some advice or just a hug. I am the woman who sees a stranger crying and hugs them in the street (I have also been the crying stranger).
I am the girl who offers a kind ear to anyone who needs it. Why? Because I know what pain feels like, I know what the pits of loneliness feel like when you're holding your hand because that's the only touch that is offered, I know what it's like to cry alone and for no one to come, and I have felt the total depths of misery—and that was my gift from God.
Because I know, I can help, I can sit here and write this for you to read, so you don't feel alone anymore, so you know from my experience, that there is good after bad, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that these cliches are ubiquitous not through romaticising sorrow, but because they are true.
I am strong, empathic, kind, complex, understanding, loving, and filled with love - and this is because of, not despite, but because of the torment.
So forgive those who have wronged you, thank them; they have allowed you to be awesome! Their cruelty and jibes (although they had nothing to do with you; it was their projection of their hatred for themselves) were a precious gift, and with forgiveness, you can become a precious gift to the world, a gift of love and healing. A gift where the buck stops, where the cycle ends and where love continues. think yourself lucky to be so pure, to construct your sorrow into love, to aim to heal and end suffering, instead of continuing hate and pain.
Only from the worst shit do the flowers grow.
Written September 2015
